Confessions of a Waiter And Other Restaurant Secrets

By Tiffany Walker

For better or for worse, whether you’re at a T.G.I. Fridays or a Spagos you can’t help but be served. And although you go to a particular restaurant for food you can count on, I’m sure you have noticed that you can’t always count on the servers to be as predictable. You can only rest assure that the waiter must be unfortunately dumb, since waiting tables is a blue collar job, and therefore couldn’t be that hard to ring in your order properly and have it come out in a reasonable 20 minutes of cook time, right? I definitely agree that there are servers that aren’t meant to be servers due to the lack of the memory, organization, prioritization, speed, focus, empathy, charm, compassion, damage control, product knowledge, up-sell know how, psychological assessment ability, and huge kiss-ass skills that are required to wait tables. Yes, this is the list of skills that you may not have known go into taking your one order. It is a bit scary to think that the same skills needed to make a million dollar power deal are the same skills required to make someone happy at a restaurant for a quick bite to eat. Among writing this column, I still have to wait tables. I have bartended, cocktailed, and waited on people from Florida, Boston, New York to Los Angeles and I thought that I should confess some things about waiters and restaurants to make people more aware of one of the most difficult jobs one could put oneself through.

Fun Facts About Your Waiter:

•Most waiters are highly intelligent and resourceful, and have college degrees ranging anywhere from political science and biology to acting, some have even owned their own businesses. Waiting tables is something they fell into for the cash and low responsibility where they don’t “take the job home,” allowing more time to focus on personal ventures.

•“Everyone should have to wait tables once in their lives.” Is a common statement among waiters due to knowing that these people wouldn’t be acting up if they knew what it was like to deal with it on the other side of the table.

•Waiters walk 7 to 12 miles per shift depending on the size of the restaurant and the location of the kitchen. Often two shifts are worked in a day.

•Many waiters are indeed cynical and bitter! They are in constant battle for their dreams and the money they need to get them there, and the luck they don’t seem to have otherwise they’d be “there” already.

•Many waiters are foodies with fine-tuned palettes…. they DO make fun of those who order a steak or salmon well done, need ketchup or steak sauce for the expensive steak they just ordered well done, and the white zin that is needed to wash it all down.

•Even if you are a prick, your food is safe. Waiters will not seek vengeance on your food if you are an a-hole; however, they will wish you to burn in hell and/or a nasty accident on your way home. The same goes if a bad tip is left and it is silently resolved with the waiter knowing karma will come back on the paying guest 10 fold.

•Waiters are only able to keep about HALF of the tip you leave. That’s right, your waiter must tip those that are helping them (including busser, bartender, host, expeditor in the kitchen,) which is 45%-50% of the gross tips received. This means that 15% doesn’t quite do the trick anymore, and most waiters will go the distance hoping you appreciate their hard work in 20% form at least. The “Thank You” tip doesn’t pay the rent by any means. Waiters’ sales and tips are now heavily tracked for tax purposes, so every penny of the tip is appreciated, and averagely a waiter makes about $12 to $17/hr. Also know that waiters get taxed off their sales, so if you don't tip at all the waiter is taxed on what you ate regardless. And that is on top of tipping out what wasn't received.

Things Your Server Wish You Comprehended:

•If you are at a restaurant that means you are not at a McDonalds, and quality food takes time to cook (20-30min), then add on coursing of appetizers, dinner, drink service, dessert service, and definitely consider how busy a place is.

•Your server is human, and needs some slack every once in awhile. Waiting tables means juggling in your head food orders and personal needs of each and every guest…constantly pleasing and smiling takes a lot out of you.

•If you can’t find your server they are in the kitchen begging for your food to come out. The kitchen staff isn’t always on the same page as the server, and sometimes the size of a kitchen can limit how fast food will come out, as well as accounting for how incompetent some kitchen staff are…many do not read English and speak little.

•Your server deals with hundreds of different personalities and needs in one shift. Yes, that's right. Your server will have potentially anywhere from 4 to 6 tables at a time with anywhere from 2 to 6, or more people on a table. Each with their needs and personality traits. The server also deals with all their fellow servers and managers/front of the house staff around them and their personalities and needs. The servers must then deal with the Kitchen/back of house staff and their personalities and needs and getting out of the kitchen all the needs needed. AND the server must adhere to what the restaurant sales requirements are to get through a shift. So think twice before verbally beating up on a server.

•If something is wrong with your food…SEND IT BACK when the waiter checks in! Being a pissy, hungry, martyr who was too afraid to say something until the very end of the meal doesn’t do anyone justice since waiters actually do care that you’re happy with what you’ve chosen to eat.

•Your server is always pushed by management to increase sales . There are sales techniques that each restaurant requires a server to do, whether it is name dropping of a brand or inquiring about bottled water, wine, coffee, dessert. Bare with the server…they would rather not say any of it at all.

•If you are not ready to order then don’t say that you are. You then affect everyone else around you including your own food coming out in a timely fashion. Ready to order means you have made decisions. It does not mean further discussing with your party and intense reading of the menu.

•If you are high-maintenance, verbally abusive, touchy feely, or patronizing- tip for it! This means at least a 20%, if not a 25% tip, or greater.

•Never pull the “Do you know who I am?” card….you’ll get less service then you’ll ever know.

·Cell phone services at the table, means no waiter services. Yes, if you are on the cell phone we will walk away even as you are trying to order tap water to wet that busy running mouth of yours. There are some waiters that will actually do the opposite and will get right up in your face to indeed get a drink order…just to make you aware.

Previously Published: IN THE SCENE MAGAZINE